“Since I Can Remember” is one of the most raw and revealing moments on Sonus Veritatis I. It strips everything down — no masks, no performance — just truth laid out with honesty and weight.

Musically, the track leans into a darker, more restrained side of 80’s rock, where space, tone, and gradual build carry the emotion. It doesn’t rush. It unfolds — allowing every word to land exactly where it needs to.

Lyrically, this is a deeply personal reflection on survival, emotional distance, and the long-term impact of living in a constant state of defense. It speaks to the kind of strength that isn’t chosen, but learned — the kind that keeps you going, even when you don’t fully understand what you’re carrying.

The chorus — “Since I can remember, I’ve been fighting the night…” — becomes a defining line not just for the song, but for the album’s emotional core. It captures the tension between endurance and exhaustion, between holding it together and wanting to finally let go.

What makes this track stand out is its clarity. There’s no blame, no dramatization — just recognition. Understanding where the pain came from, what it built, and what it cost.

The bridge marks a turning point: from survival to awareness. From the boy who built walls… to the man beginning to take them down. Not by force, but by choice.

Placed in the later stages of the album, “Since I Can Remember” anchors Sonus Veritatis I in something real and unfiltered —
a reminder that strength isn’t just about enduring…
it’s about finally allowing yourself to heal.

⸻

This is the song that people don’t just listen to.
They recognize themselves in it.

Lyrics

Since I Can Remember

Verse 1
Since I can remember, I’ve been holding my breath
Learning how to stand while expecting the hit
Rooms full of people, still alone in my chest
Smiles on my face, but I carried the weight

I learned how to function, not how to feel
Built me some armor, called it being real
They said “you’re strong,” but strength was a cage
I survived every chapter, never turned the page

Pre-Chorus
I was loved, I know that now
But love couldn’t reach me through the walls

Chorus
Since I can remember, I’ve been fighting the night
Carrying a past that won’t loosen its grip
I wasn’t unloved, I just couldn’t feel right
I was safe on the outside, at war on the inside

Since I can remember, pain’s been my name
I walked through the fire just to feel something change
I’m still standing here, tired but alive
Still looking for a way to put the weight down tonight

Verse 2
I never felt safe, even when I was held
Learned early on I had to save myself
Promises spoken, but fear stayed loud
I trusted the pain more than the crowd

I built these walls brick by brick with time
Each one a reason, each one a sign
They kept me breathing, they kept me whole
But they locked every door to my soul

Pre-Chorus
I don’t blame the past for what it gave
I blame the nights I never felt okay

Chorus
Since I can remember, I’ve been fighting the night
Carrying a past that won’t loosen its grip
I wasn’t unloved, I just couldn’t feel right
I was safe on the outside, at war on the inside

Since I can remember, pain’s been my name
I walked through the fire just to feel something change
I’m still standing here, tired but alive
Still looking for a way to put the weight down tonight

Bridge
These walls were never meant to last forever
They were built by a boy just trying to survive
Now the man in the mirror is learning surrender
Learning that healing doesn’t mean goodbye

I don’t need to erase where I’ve been
I just need to stop bleeding from it

Final Chorus
Since I can remember, I carried it alone
Every scar a language nobody spoke
I wasn’t broken, I was holding the line
Trying to protect what was left inside

Since I can remember, I searched for the light
Through the cracks in the armor, through sleepless nights
If there’s a way out, I’ll find it somehow
I’ve been fighting my whole life —
but I’m breathing right now

Outro
Since I can remember…
I survived.